Situations Vacant


It seems that nowadays, almost every job requires experience, no matter how easy it would appear to be. I was reading my local newspaper recently and one such job caught my eye making me laugh. Applications were invited for an enthusiastic and able person to walk a dog twice daily for some executive, who was obviously working all day and as a result, did not have enough time to carry out this necessary task.

“Nothing wrong with that,” you might say, but what made me laugh was that an experienced person was preferred and there was a request to supply a C.V with the application!

I immediately wondered what qualities might work to my advantage if I applied for the position. Would experience of walking the family pet be considered adequate? Or perhaps there is a special academy somewhere in Scotland where an aspiring dog exerciser can learn all the tools necessary for the trade, thus gaining a diploma from courses on such things as diverse as collar tension strength specifications and modules on doggy psychology!

Joking apart, I happened to be in Glasgow last week and I was walking along through one the quieter residential areas, on my way to visit a college there, when I happened to glance at a notice board outside the local parish Church . The sign read in large bold letters:

“Christians wanted. No experience necessary. Apply within.”

  I sort of stopped in my tracks and knew I was witnessing something unique. Here, for the first time in years, I had spotted a job advert that requested no experience whatsoever. I got to thinking what questions a prospective applicant might ask if they were applying for this job. In fact, I went one step further and imagining myself in this situation, I thought up one or two questions for my prospective employer.

“Is it true that no experience is required whatsoever?”

“In one word. Correct! Full training will be given every Sunday and a complete training manual is provided. All you need to do is accept Jesus as your Saviour and know that he died for your sins”

“What about the ‘Boss?' Is he O.K. to work with?”

“Yes indeed. He is very approachable and forgiving. Even if you don't attend one or two days, he doesn't fire his workers. He loves his employees. He knows they are human and as a result have problems and worries to resolve. He does not abandon his staff. On the contrary, he welcomes them back as if they were his long lost sons and daughters.”

“Ah, but what about the pension scheme?” you may ask. “Every good job must have a decent pension scheme that takes care of the workers needs after they retire.”

“Yes of course. On offer for everyone is a place in Heaven, where all his workers go when they retire. In addition to this, everlasting life is guaranteed to every employee, no matter how junior or senior their position within the company is. The best thing about it though is that this pension is guaranteed, no matter how high or low the stocks and shares go and it is promised unconditionally even if the Stock Market crashes!”

“Hmm…that may be fine. But if this is such a good job, why aren't hundreds of people standing beside me in line, waiting to get an interview?”

“It's simply because they haven't noticed. They are so busy living their lives, and worrying about the stresses and strains of everyday things, that they haven't had a chance to think about this great offer.”

However this will change because now I know about it and I'll tell them!

“Christians wanted. No experience necessary. Apply within.”

  Guess what? I applied within and got the job straightaway!


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©2009 Drew Robertson

Blackbraes and Shieldhill Parish Church of Scotland

Registered Charity SC 002512